There is so much hate in the world, so so much. It seems ridiculous, the amount of time we spend loathing people, objects and situations. It’s such a waste, and although most are aware of it, it is practically impossible to control.

Ok, so you can opt for the ‘positive outlook’ way of life and start seeing that glass as half full, but for most, the glass remains completely empty. A positive outlook on life will only get you so far anyway: all it takes is one hard-hitting reminder of all the ways in which life can screw you over and it’s back to phase one.

The way I see it, life is shit. Life is one pointless, irritating moment after another, occasionally broken up by that one glimmer or hope or happiness. Regardless, it is the life we lead, and life is all we have. There is life, and then (as far as we know) there is nothing. Nada. So you can sit around bitching and moaning, or you can accept the fact that life is far from perfect.

Even as I sit here typing away, I am completely aware that I am a hypocrite. All I have to do is think of the countless times that I myself have cried, whined, sulked and shouted about how ‘unfair’ life can be. Yet now, because I’m aware of it at this time, I’m being a Martyr. But hey, that’s life, and I’m prepared to deal with it.

The point I had in mind when I started typing this, is how ridiculous the whole concept of self loathing is. As if we don’t have enough hatrid and bad attitudes to deal with in our life, we occupy our own time insulting ourselves? It’s a lose lose situation! Yet again, although I am perfectly aware that I find myself hating my actions on a fairly frequent basis, I still realise the ridiculousness of  it all, so therefore I must be aware of it in my subconscious at all times. It’s so stupid, it just gets me mad.

Life is just a string of inconveniences, but it’s also all that we have.

When I get passionate about something, my sentence structure becomes erratic.

It’s 10pm, I have to dry my hair (and possibly straighten it) and I have to be up at 7 tomorrow. I’m tired, want to go to bed soon, but I wanted to post. Just for myself: just to keep this crap flowing.

I know all my blogs are starting the same, I miss just writing short posts about butterflies or discussing benevolent sexism. Just bear (or is it bare?) with me for a bit. I’m stressed, have been doing history work since I got in. I’m starting to realise that having to get up at 7am 6 days a week is going to be difficult. But, I need to do this. I want to challenge myself over the next two years. I can totally deal with not having a social life, but not having sufficient time to sleep? It’s going to bother me, and I know it will. I’ll write here as often as I can, and I don’t want to make excuses, because having made excuses is a good excuse. I make sense in my head.

I have terrible spots at the moment, this always happens when I get stressed. I want to change things about me over the next few years, and in order to do this, I need to challenge myself. I need to push myself, and I’m not enjoying the beginning of this journey. Whatever. Hopefully, at the end of it, I will be a better person. And if not, atleast I can say I have tried.

Self pity for the win!