…except it doesn’t, does it? Because we’re meant to eat at least five pieces of fruit and veg a day.

So thanks, proverb, for teaching me nothing.

I hate the phrase “it’s health and safety gone mad,” mainly because people never seem to use it in the correct context, but also because people say it all the time, and it just gets on my nerves. However, today, I found the perfect example of health and safety gone mad. I literally had to restrain myself from saying that phrase myself.

I was in church because the year sevens (to whom I am a form prefect)had a carol singing afternoon in which they performed carols and readings to their parents. Before the whole event began, the Reverend made a short announcement, in which he thanked us for coming, welcomed us to the church, and DREW OUR ATTENTION TO THE EMERGENCY EXITS. Yes, I kid you not. Imagine a man, dressed in his robes and dog collar, waving his arms around like an air hostess pointing out the emergency exits. It was a joke!

What kind of world do we live in when people need the emergency exits pointed out to them in a place of worship? An aeroplane I can completely understand, but a church? It’s health and safety gone mad, isn’t it?

I know that it is ridiculously cliche to moan about doctors, but I’m doing it anyway.

In the past, I have completely supported all doctors. I believe that it is a very difficult job, and any one in this profession, from nurses to surgeons, deserves a lot of respect. I know that doctors are well paid and some don’t care as much about the wellbeing of their patients as they should, but I feel bad for the majority of doctors who work hard to help patients. These doctors shouldn’t be disrespected just because a couple of ‘bad apples.’

But, recently I’ve had experience of one of these shitty doctors. This doctor, I’ll call him Dr. Shitty for obvious reasons, decided that because one of the things he tested me for came back as negative, I was a lost cause and must obviously be faking my illness. There’s no chance that ther could just be something else wrong with me, that Dr. Shitty hasn’t thought off. I obviously must be faking it, after all, I love feeling unwell, so sometimes I just do it for fun. I miss out on things to go to the doctors, just for a laugh. Dr. Shitty is a complete arsehole.

I’ve had experience with a different doctor, who I will call Dr. Awesome. He was friendly, kind and a skilled doctor. When he was unsure of what was wrong with me he was persistent. Shame there aren’t more Dr. Awesomes around.

I’m going to assume that it’s a coincidence that Dr. Shitty was an NHS doctor and I saw Dr. Awesome privately.

I hate myself for using the term “bad apples”