Essentially, a tv programme soon to be coming to ITV, in which American ‘It Girl’ Paris Hilton will search for a British friend.

“Everyone knows I love LA,” says the star. “But London, watch out – I’m coming to town and bringing my fast-paced life with me. I’m in the UK all the time, but of course I can’t bring all my friends, so I’ve decided to look for a new BFF across the pond. I need a best friend who is hot, who can keep up with me, and most of all, who is real and won’t be a backstabber. I’m not leaving London until I find that amazing girl or guy who can meet the challenges of being my British bestie!”

I have so many problems with this. So many problems.

For starters, the mere premise of this idea is immediatly insulting. Do ITV expect me to swallow this rubbish? It is obvious that this whole thing is not actually a hunt for a friend, similarly to the idea that Blind Date did not actually result in every single couple falling madly in love with eachoter. Is Paris Hilton that desperate for airtime? It’s almost as bad as Jodie Marsh’s wedding, which I could write an essay on. I will not do so, but I would just like to say that it disgusts me that that sort of thing is allowed, and yet gay people in several countries (or states in the US) cannot marry. Back to Paris Hilton.

This quotation from ITV’s website has clearly not come from the mouth of Paris Hilton, I guarantee it. Only a true idiot would say ‘bringing my fast-paced life with me’ or ‘new BFF across the pond.’ Actually… maybe she did say it.

What idiots actually audition for this bullshit? These people. There’s Layla, who looks incredibly similar to the aforementioned Jodie Marsh, there is Laura, who could be any age between 20 and 50. We have Jade, who looks like a quintessential chav. But hey, what I am doing is not really fair. I am judging them based purely on the pictures of them on the ITV website, and I am sure that that would deeply offend them. It’s not like that’s exacly what they are doing by competing to ‘befriend’ a self-proclaimed It-Girl, famous for nothing but a sex tape.

I like lists, mostly.

When I think of lists, I think of short term lists and long term lists.

A short term list is your bog standard list of favourite things, likes/dislikes, reminders of things you have to do, shopping lists, weighing out pros and cons, etc. All of the above. I love writing lists like these. Not only do they help to remind you of things, but I am a bit creepy in that I find them fun.

I have mentioned long term lists recently, when I said about the ‘101 things to do before you die’ phenomenon. Long term lists are lists of things that you want to achieve over a very long period of time, for example, over 20 years, or until your death. This whole principle frustrates me; life is supposed to be as aimless as your personality can deal with. This might not make sense to you, but it does to me, and I don’t believe that it is healthy for anybodyto set themselves a list of targets for completion by a certain date, when this date is in the very far future.

I always have a list somewhere, the current one up on my notice board is about money I’ve saved for my holiday this Christmas. What can I say, I’m organised. But, ask me to plan what I’m doing for the next 10 Christmas’, and I’ll tell you where to shove it.

Ignore the poor quality of my writing, I wrote an English Lit essay earlier, that zapped any writing skills straight out of me.

Not finished!!

 Go on this website, it’s a good time waster: http://bestuff.com/